"i don't even like dogs, but that's how the game is played"

w is not a morning person. to say the least. when we fight, it's usually in the morning (or afternoon really--morning to him).

this is not to say that i'm some kind of morning person. no sir. in fact i think that dealing with w's morning monster might be the payback that my mom was imagining with a gleam in her eye when i would yell FIVE MORE MINUTES from beneath my covers all those years. i am haunted by those words now as w utters them on a daily basis. and the alarm irritates me if i am already awake, and if he knows i'm already up he will let me be his snooze bar. then he doesn't even have to get out of bed to snooze, he can just yell, from 'neath the cozy blankets, FIVE MORE MINUTES!!

it sets up an interesting bargaining process sometimes though, whereby i will go in the bedroom and tell him i need his help (and cringe as i say those words i hated to hear my mom say so many years ago) and could he please get up. his responses are different every time, but always totally hilarious.

"five more minutes then wake me up with the tiger!" (i sometimes play survivor's "eye of the tiger" really loud to wake him up. or, in the alternative, the paul anka loungey version of said song.)

"i need more time! i went to bed after you!" (yeah, but not three hours after me.)

today i went in with bella (she gets up with me) and got back in bed to warm up my cold feet and wake him up, as i need his help around the house before i go study. i can't study with a messy house! even if i'm studying at school!

so bella is walking all over the bed, narrowly missing w's nuts left and right and he's yelling at her through clenched teeth to LAY DOWN and GO TO BED, the evening commands we use when she won't settle down to sleep. i mention that we just need a bigger bed. "a king," he asks? "california king," i reply. "then," he says, "we can get more dogs." "that's how they judge you," he mumbles, "not by money, but by how many dogs you have. i don't even like dogs, but that's how the game is played. first you get the dogs, then you get the bigger bed, then you get more dogs."

after catching my breath from all the laughter, i got out of bed. if he can be that funny after just waking up, he deserves five more minutes.