wow. it's been a really long time since i've posted anything. it's been so long that i've been pondering what to post about since i realized i was found out by my friends and former coworkers from last summer at the place with the longest and most cumbersome acronym ever. for some reason, i'm just spent. the end of exams came and went, and it was just anticlimactic this year. and i've started my new job, but everything i'm doing there is confidential and i certainly can't talk about it to the whole internet.
nothing super funny or cool or even annoying has happened recently. i turned 28. i'm living in richmond for the summer and travelling back to lex on the weekends to see w and the dawgs. we did some yard work on saturday and cooked stuff for me to bring with me for the week on sunday. i am old and my life is boring. i got really excited about finding a commuter express bus downtown so i don't have to pay tolls or park. i pack my lunch. i pay my bills on time. i'm in bed by 10 most nights.
i feel different somehow. three years ago, before i started law school, i was living in new orleans. even though i had what could be considered a "career track" waiting tables job (we're talking health insurance, dental, 401k, set schedule, and good salary), i was still living for fun. i did my job, and when i left it was over. i did have to learn some things, but it was mostly matters of taste--what wine goes with what, how are the diver scallops rossini, what's in a courtboullion? i wasn't paying the bills with my intellect. i was mostly paying the bills with my hustle and my pleasant and accomodating demeanor. that's how i've always made my money, and it's weird to make the shift to a desk job.
i mean, before law school i've never even worked in an office. last summer was a great experience; i learned a lot, i was exposed to a lot more than many of my classmates will ever get to see, and i got to work for something i beleive in with cool, smart people (hey guys!). but i had a kind of strange feeling all summer that i was pretending, that at any moment they'd realize who i was and send me back to the restaurant. and it's different in other ways. i'm afraid that i am not smart enough, that i won't think of everything, that i'll miss some really important piece of precedent, that i'll miss a deadline, that i'll misstate a fact. there was a certain comfort level in being the book-smart girl at the restaurant, the one who everyone knew was on her way somewhere else.
my new office is really cool. i'm over the initial rush of insecurity that i felt last summer (i think it helps that i no longer ride to work every day with someone who does their best to feed my insecurities in an effort to inflate their own sense of self importance though--thanks, asshole!). w and i are planning to try to catch the sonic youth/flaming lips show at the end of the summer, followed by a short trip to vegas. other than that it's me living my routine, figuring out where i belong in this milieu.
jesus, did i just use the word milieu, like for real? i'm such a fucking tool.
