the significance of the post below

we had a discussion the other day at lunch about type a personalitites and law school, and how most law students seem to be type a. i feel pretty far from that, as i am competitive about some things (notably, competitions) but generally pretty laid back. i mean, when i am competing in some kind of competition, i get competitive. but that's only natural, right? perhaps it's just a product of the fact that i was one of the last generations where people won 1st 2nd and 3rd in the race and everybody didn't get a "participant" ribbon.

heh. just like my report card...

You Have A Type A- Personality

A- You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

google "[yourfirstname] needs":

MEL NEEDS MORE BALLS
Mel needs to take a chill pill
Sad Mel Needs to Handle the Sales End While Someone Else Runs the Company
Mel needs to make the most of these cycles, and establish goals with corresponding deadlines
Mel needs a damn good fuk
Mel needs to see the doctor
MEL NEEDS YOUR HELP NOW
Mel needs a new home...and wanted to come to Braveheart Scottish Weekend next February
Mel needs a break and bar going well so she quits the day job
Mel's needs to be an efficient coffee shop, not a "fun" diner
Mel needs to stop acting like 50 cent is such a noble man and that outbursts like the one he pulled on HOT 97 were so unexpected
Mel needs the comfort of a pint or two
Mel needs to send illegal arms to a third world country
Mel needs time away from everyone, you see
Mel needs applications in by November 1st
Mel Needs To Read

an existential kick in the ass

I've been raked over the coals this week. yesterday i got a rejection letter from a smaller law firm in my hometown. so that leaves the DC firm and two in houston. new york already dinged me as well. i also got very close to the lowest grade in the class on my accounting for lawyers midterm, further proving that i have no business doing math (or business, for that matter) of any kind. i met with the professor for whom i have been doing research, but was over an hour late. i have been putting off finishinga project for my summer job that must be done this sfternoon. and today i overslept and was forced to come to class sporting greasy hair and dirty jeans and a ten year old, holey p-funk concert tee.

normally the next sentence would be about how i can't believe that people are going to bring me their sensitive legal matters and expect me to deal with them, and how can i do that when i can't manage to even get out of bed on time. but i am beginning to think that my whole problem stems from that kind of thinking.

before law school i was a waitress and bartender. it still seems weird to me sometimes that this is what i'm doing now, and that someday in the not too distant future this will be how i support myself. i guess deep down i still feel like i should be bringing lawyers a seared diver scallop salad with plum vinaigrette over their extravagant 2 hour lunch, not joining them. it's very strange to find myself sitting at that table and not serving it. it's this general lack of confidence that's killing me in interviews, a feeling that i'm faking it, playing a part none too convincingly.

the situation is improving, somewhat. for the most part, i only get bogged down on days like yesterday, when the evidence of my iniquity seems to pile up around me. deep down i'm scared to death that i can't support myself on my intellect, that i am better suited for the work of my past life. i quit my waitress job here over the summer, and have been exclusively a student this semester. it is nice to have that distance, to move forward into my professional life, and i know as i get further from it that i will feel more like a lawyer and less like a poseur. i just don't yet.